


How Could I Forget You

by Chimney_on_the_roof



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Constellations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Past Character Death, Stargazing, Stars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimney_on_the_roof/pseuds/Chimney_on_the_roof
Summary: “Virgil?” Patton asked, coming to stand next to Virgil. He shivered and his teeth clattered. “What are you doing out here?” His voice was thick with sleep and his hair was a mess.Virgil glanced over at him and wrapped his arm around Patton’s shoulders. Patton gave him a surprised look, but melted into the rare touch.“Couldn’t sleep,” Virgil muttered.A.k.a. Stargazing + Virgil is Sad
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders (past)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	How Could I Forget You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first (finished) Sanders Sides fanfic!!  
> And it's sad
> 
> Title is from the song "I'm Here" from the musical Willow by Averno
> 
> Warning: past character death

Virgil shivered and pulled his hoodie closer around his body as a cold gust of wind hit him. He stared up at the stars and tried to remember the names of the constellations Logan had taught him. He recognised Cassiopeia, the W-shaped formation, just above the horizon. Right above his head was the gigantic shape of Cygnus, the swan, but he couldn’t remember exactly which stars belonged to it. He looked over at the Big Dipper and got the same overwhelming feeling he got every time he looked at it.

A set of feet climbing the creaking stairs behind him caught his attention, but he chose to ignore it. There was only one person who could and would be joining him on this roof.

“Virgil?” Patton asked, coming to stand next to Virgil. He shivered and his teeth clattered. “What are you doing out here?” His voice was thick with sleep and his hair was a mess.

Virgil glanced over at him and wrapped his arm around Patton’s shoulders. Patton gave him a surprised look, but melted into the rare touch.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Virgil muttered.

“It’s cold out here,” Patton stated. “We talked about this, kiddo.”

Virgil nodded and loosened his hold on Patton’s shoulders. “You can go back to sleep if you want,” he reassured his roommate.

“Not until you do,” Patton said firmly.

Virgil sighed and let go of Patton, sticking both hands in the pockets of his hoodie. He knew he’d have to tell Patton why he was still up at this time – he realised he didn’t even know what time it was. He was grateful that Patton didn’t ask, giving Virgil the space to bring it up himself.

“I don’t know why I couldn’t sleep,” Virgil said, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s just…” He looked down at the street far below him, illuminated by the yellow street lights. Patton kept silent and Virgil could feel his full attention on him. He tried again, “There’s this… voice in my head that won’t let me sleep. I have to stay up because in the night-time I can do what I want, instead of having… responsibilities.” He almost spat the last word out. He heard his heart pound in his ears.

Patton, in turn, put his arm around Virgil’s waist and Virgil calmed down a bit.

“I thought about what Logan said a while ago,” Virgil said, feeling a lump in his throat form. “He liked stargazing to clear his head.”

He allowed Patton to pull him closer. “This is about him, isn’t it?” Patton asked softly, although it sounded more like a statement. Virgil nodded and cleared his throat, willing the lump in his throat to go away.

“He taught me the names of a few of the constellations, but I can’t remember all of them.” He stared at the Big Dipper without really seeing it. They stood on the roof in silence for a moment, until Patton nudged Virgil softly.

“How about we change into some warmer clothes? I’m freezing, and you must be too,” Patton said. Virgil hesitated. He didn’t mind the cold, but he didn’t want Patton to stay out in the cold because of him. Patton noticed his hesitation and suggested, “Or I get some blankets so you can stay here?”

Virgil hummed his agreement and Patton smiled. “I’ll be right back!” He hugged Virgil closer for a second before letting go and climbing down the stairs.

Virgil walked closer to the edge of the roof and sat down, letting his feet swing. He didn’t understand why or how Patton was such a good friend, but he was incredibly grateful. At the same time he felt the need to repay him in some way. He shook his head and suppressed those thoughts. He could think about this another time. Besides, Patton had told him countless of times that he really didn’t have to.

He sighed and leaned back on his arms to look above him, once again searching for the stars that made out Cygnus. He tried to remember where Logan had pointed.

 _“Two stars close to each other make out the tip of the left wing…”_ There were dozens of bright stars close to each other.

 _“A couple of other stars form a cross…”_ Virgil had snorted at that. _“Very specific,”_ he’d said.

The stars that formed this constellation were placed quite far from each other, that’s why it was so hard to find. _“If you know where to look, it’s easy to find…”_ And if your eyes weren’t getting misty from tears it was easier to see the stars. Virgil wiped at his eyes with a sleeve when he heard Patton come up the stairs again.

Patton gasped and hurried over. “Don’t sit so close to the edge!” he said, dropping the blankets and pillows behind Virgil. “Here…” Patton motioned Virgil over and wrapped a soft blanket around him, making him sit on a pillow. He did the same to himself and put an arm around Virgil again.

“Thanks, Patton,” Virgil whispered, his eyes never leaving the sky littered with stars.

“No problem, kiddo, anything for you. I know it isn’t easy.”

Virgil swallowed and didn’t say anything.

“Do you remember the first time you saw the Big Dipper?” Patton asked. Virgil gave him a glance and followed his gaze to said constellation.

“Yeah…” He leaned closer into Patton, appreciating the warmth of the blankets. “I remember only hearing of it from others and seeing pictures of it. Then one night, when I was twelve, I went camping with my dad. We stayed up until it was dark and he casually said how bright the stars were.” He was silent for a moment, recalling the conversation. “I asked him if I could see the Big Dipper, and he was like, “sure,” surprised that I hadn’t seen it before. He pointed it out and I was… amazed. It was so much bigger than I imagined it.”

Patton hummed. “Something about the night sky makes you realise how small we actually are,” he murmured.

“Yeah.” That’s why Virgil loved looking at it so much. Everything in his life became irrelevant. He leaned back until he lay flat on the roof, Patton following.

They looked at the millions of stars above them in comfortable silence.

“Is that the Milky Way?” Patton asked, pointing up.

“Yup.”

“Whoa,” Patton said in amazement. “That’s my favourite candy.” Virgil chuckled a little. His eyes automatically continued searching for Cygnus.

He listened to the low rumble of never-ending traffic in the city and heard some dry leaves tumble on the street below. The leaves still on the trees rustled as another gust of wind blew through them.

He gasped as he finally recognised the stars, and sat up.

“What?” Patton asked bewildered.

Virgil didn’t answer and drew imaginary lines between the stars, connecting them so they formed a swan. It felt like his heart skipped a beat and a sob escaped his lips. He quickly covered his mouth with his hands, but Patton was already there with his arms around him. Virgil blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears so he could keep looking at the stars.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Patton whispered, holding Virgil tightly.

“I know,” Virgil choked out. He wiped the tears away that had started rolling down his cheeks and sniffled. He looked at Patton. “I found it.”

“What did you find, kiddo?” Patton asked softly, searching his eyes.

A smile broke out on Virgil’s face and lit up his eyes. “I found the swan again!” New tears welled up in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away.

“Look, Patton!” He pointed up at the dark sky. “Do you see those two stars together? Now if you follow that line there, and there, and then you’re in the middle and it’s basically symmetric so finding the other wing isn’t hard, and then from the middle you go all the way there, see, that’s its neck, and if you go the other way, that’s its tail!” He breathlessly looked up at the Swan stretched out in the sky above their heads. He hiccupped a sob and didn’t wipe at the tears anymore.

“Logan said that he found it a comforting thought that there was a swan in the sky protecting him,” Virgil said hoarsely. “I always felt like the swan was giving the sky and the earth below it a hug.”

Patton leaned his head on Virgil’s shoulder, his arms still wrapped around him. “That’s a nice thought,” he whispered. Virgil nodded and leaned his cheek against the top of Patton’s head. He sniffled again and suddenly the sobs came back full force. He crumpled into Patton’s arms while Patton whispered reassurances, wiping his own tears away as best as he could. He rubbed a hand up and down Virgil’s back until the sobs died down and a strange calmness settled over Virgil, leaving him shivering in the cold.

Virgil leaned slightly away from Patton and smiled up at the sky. “These are the same stars Logan and I confessed our love under,” he said with clattering teeth, and sighed. His smile turned sad as he looked at Patton, who smiled back.

“I’m glad you found a piece of Logan’s soul back,” Patton said solemnly. Virgil smiled wider.

“Me too.”

They eventually went back inside, after Virgil blew a kiss to the stars on Patton’s insistence. They retreated to their separate bedrooms and Virgil immediately fell asleep once he was in bed, exhausted from crying and the sleep deprivation. He knew he was safe under the protective wings of the Swan, and that he wasn’t truly alone. A piece of Logan’s soul lived on in the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, it'll make my day <3


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